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Ordinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke

Oct 8, 2019

Have you ever taken a personality test? I've taken 47 billion. I think it's because I've hated my personality for so long. I'm not kidding. I thought I was way over the top, and my laugh was obnoxious, and I was too high maintenance. I took every personality test known to man. Honestly, it didn't make me feel any better. 

I was trying to figure myself out, because I disliked myself. I thought the answers in the test would tell me how to fix myself. But that's not me anymore. I don't want to change myself. I don't want to waste another second not being me. I still want to grow, mature, and refine myself, but I wanted to do it being me. Now, if I do a personality test, it's because I want to know what makes me tick. This is where the Enneagram comes in.

Beth and Jeff McCord are here, and they are the founders of Your Enneagram Coach a website that not only helps people find out what their type is, but helps couples find out how to interact with each other no matter what type they are. They have even written a book to help Christian couples live their best lives using the Enneagram. Their book is called Becoming Us. We kick this show off with a kind of Enneagram crash course, and then break down how this information can be useful for individuals, couples and eventually even kids. 

Show Notes:

  • [05:50] The Enneagram is a typology system and way of knowing yourself. It's like your internal GPS. It will tell you your main type and your main destination.
  • [06:48] The Enneagram will tell you why you veered off course and alert you before you get off course again. It can help you create a different mindset.
  • [07:25] The Enneagram shows you why you think, feel, and behave in certain ways. It gets to the heart motivations.
  • [07:59] It gives you hope that there is transformation ahead and a healthier path.
  • [08:57] Beth and Jeff had trouble understanding each other about five years into their marriage. Some friends introduced them to The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective by Richard Rohr. 
  • [09:30] Finally Beth and Jeff had clarity on why they were doing what they were doing. 
  • [09:42] They've been doing this for over 20 years and are still learning and growing. 
  • [10:40] Beth was Michael Hyatt's personal assistant, so she saw first hand how an amazing team works behind the scenes and develops online courses. 
  • [10:48] Beth and Jeff started creating Enneagram courses and coaching people. It was amazing to watch people transform right before their eyes. 
  • [11:05] They then developed the Become an Enneagram Coach course. They now have over 400 coaches in 18 countries who are transforming other people's lives. 
  • [12:16] Because Enneagram is about why you do the things you do, you want to look at the core motivation of the nine types.
  • [12:26] There are four core motivations. There's the core fear. There's the desire. There's the weakness. There's the core longing.
  • [12:56] Type one is the moral perfectionist. Type two is a supportive adviser.
  • [14:16] Type three is the successful achiever. They fear being exposed or incompetent.
  • [15:22] Type four is the romantic individualist. They fear being cut off. They desire to be special. Their core weakness is envy.
  • [15:55] Type five is the investigative thinkers. They fear being annihilated. They desire to be capable and competent. Their weakness is that they feel they lack too many inner resources.
  • [16:36] Type six is the loyal guardian. They fear fear itself. They desire security. Their core weakness is anxiety.
  • [17:20] Type seven is the entertaining optimist. They fear being deprived. They desire to be happy and content. The weakness is gluttony.
  • [18:52] Type eight is the protective challenger. They fear being weak. They desire to protect themselves. Their weaknesses are lust or excess.
  • [19:57] Type nine is the peaceful mediator. They fear being in conflict. They desire inner stability and peace of mind. Their weakness is sloth.
  • [23:55] No matter what our type is we can get healthy. 
  • [24:26] Beth takes people through a process called exploring you where they work through five guide sheets. 
  • [25:37] We are all diverse. When we are at our healthiest, we bless everyone including ourselves.
  • [28:41] The Enneagram is super useful for helping couples or people work together harmoniously.
  • [29:12] We often assume people see the world the way that we do, but they don't. 
  • [29:49] What Jeff and Beth are doing is the overflow of what has been going on in their marriage since the early 2000s. They've been able to transcend patterns of conflict and have language to describe what is happening inside of us.
  • [33:31] Instead of fighting, try looking at things through the other person's lens. 
  • [36:51] People parent according to their type. 
  • [37:55] As kids get older, you start to notice patterns. There are unique ways to relate to different types. 
  • [45:39] Jeff and Beth have created a marriage assessment and a book that will help couples understand themselves and each other. 
  • [48:13] It takes couple six years before they actually ask for help. You can find courses that will help you in your marriage on the Your Enneagram Coach website. 
  • [53:01] Melissa has fun asking Beth and Jeff three wrap up questions.

Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.

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