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Ordinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke

Nov 5, 2019

I'm from deep East Texas, and we handle things differently than they do in New Jersey. We also wear pearls and clutch them when someone says something. We don't air our dirty laundry to the world. If you've been watching me and David's Instagram Lives, you will see us sign off with bye and love you. Then the minute we get off the video, I look at him and say, "I'm going to murder you." We don't put this out for the world to see, but today's guest does. 

Danielle Silverstein was a stay at home mom for 13 years until she started the Marriage & Martinis podcast and community with her husband Adam. They decided to start it after dealing with Adam’s alcoholism, gambling addiction, and other acts of betrayal, so that others who might be going through the same thing won't feel so alone. In practically no time, they found themselves with a huge following. 

Danielle and I have never met before this podcast. When I told my friends I was interviewing her it was met with gasps and pearl clutching. Danielle and Adam are very open on their podcast about their sex life, and she is a self-proclaimed f-bomb dropper. Don't worry, there's none of that today. I really liked her. I wish I would have made this podcast two parts, because we could talk for a long time. 

Danille is also brutally honest. Alcoholism is a problem. Gambling addiction is a problem. Sometimes she knows what to do about it, and sometimes she doesn't. Marriage & Martinis is an attempt to present a real authentic marriage at its core. It's hard to make an open and vulnerable podcast about your marriage and make it work, but Danielle and Adam have done just that. They decided to take a big risk, and now their podcasts helps them while they also help other people. 

Show Notes:

  • [04:39] Danielle is rocking average.
  • [06:59] Danielle and Adam were both 25 when they got married. Danielle's mom stayed home, and Danielle liked that and wanted to do it for her kids and husband. 
  • [07:39] She had a very traditional viewpoint even though she went to NYU.
  • [08:07] She discovered that she was a really good mom, but not that great of a housewife.
  • [09:02] When Adam's dad passed away, Adam became not present mentally and physically. 
  • [09:24] This was in 2015, and they had three kids. 
  • [10:42] It was almost like having a fourth child that was putting himself and others in danger.
  • [12:13] Adam is known as party Adam. Everyone loves it, except for sometimes Danielle. They both suffer from anxiety and OCD and know that certain things are triggers. 
  • [13:16] When Adam should have been in therapy, he turned to alcohol and gambling, and it became problematic. 
  • [15:21] Alcohol was just one of the side effects of not wanting to deal with things and feel things. 
  • [16:06] Adam would also take off to Atlantic City. 
  • [17:34] Danielle finally said, it was time to fix things or she was done. 
  • [18:18] They used to sit and have a cocktail and talk all night long. Danielle realized that they should record their conversations, and their podcast began. 
  • [19:13] They are still actively recovering, but they are both immersed in the process of healing. 
  • [20:36] Adam is a tech guy, and he has always loved podcasts. She also knew that Adam needed a purpose to feel like he was contributing. 
  • [22:23] Having a podcast to share all of their issues seemed crazy, but also a good idea. They had nothing to lose. 
  • [23:50] Danielle has OCD that's not founded in reality. 
  • [26:10] Adam also went to therapy. The drinking was a symptom of a core issue. He can still have a drink.
  • [28:56] Danielle thought Adam needed a way to get out of his head and start thinking about others.
  • [30:17] Every situation is different. Alcohol wasn't Adam's biggest problem.
  • [34:36] Danielle and Adam put everything out there in their podcast. 
  • [35:44] They are in the arena for their marriage. It's about more support and less judgement. 
  • [37:00] Vulnerability is a super power. 
  • [38:38] Rapid fire questions. Danielle loves sushi. 
  • [40:15] Friendship is vulnerability and acceptance.
  • [40:51] If there was a movie about Danielle and Adam, it might star Anthony Bourdain and Reese Witherspoon. 

Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.

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