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Ordinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke

Mar 18, 2020

I'm excited about today, because my guest is ordinary. She is ordinary, the topic is ordinary, and you all know how I feel about ordinary. We talk about a mundane event that lots of people go through, but she is handling it in extraordinary ways. I haven't done a podcast on this subject, yet it's so prevalent. I'm talking about divorce.

Last fall, I met Kelly Mathews, and I thought she was so kind and so beautiful, but her story was painful. It was the story of a loss of a relationship and the loss of a marriage. When I met her, I was wondering how she was still standing and still smiling. I was thinking, this is what grace looks like. Kelly embodies grace and teaches us how to do that.

She describes herself as a single white female (without being scary), CPA (but better dressed than you are probably imagining!), who started a boutique accounting firm in the second bedroom of her house 16 years ago. 

She is a proud mother of a thoughtful teenage daughter (although it sounds like an oxymoron - thoughtful teenager - she’s blessed to actually have one). Her superpower is that strangers are very comfortable talking to her, and they typically tell her whatever is on their mind...even if it’s a secret.

Show Notes:

  • [04:33] Kelly's people are her family and friends. She has a fabulous relationship with her daughter. Kelly is also super close to her parents who live 30 minutes away from her. She plays Bunco with her friends. 
  • [06:13] Kelly has been blessed to have groups of people who have supported her throughout her life.
  • [07:39] Kelly and her husband dropped their daughter off at camp and then went on a date to a movie. When they got home her husband of 18 years asked for a separation. The next evening he asked for a divorce and moved out two days later. 
  • [09:26] Kelly picked her daughter up from camp on her own. That was three years ago.
  • [14:04] The first thing Kelly did to survive was get up everyday and face the day. You create the new normal based on what you know. She also knew she needed a support team for her and her daughter. 
  • [18:14] It's important to tell your support group what your needs are. 
  • [19:02] The divorce almost broke her. She wanted to dull what she was feeling. She decided to live through the experience and deal with her hurt. It's hard to choose the most difficult path. 
  • [22:18] She had to work through her anger and work through that stage of recovery. 
  • [26:07] A powerful statement is, "you were wronged." You feel what you feel and that's what you feel. Kelly realized her emotions were so out of character. She has swinging emotions. Feeling her feelings was so freeing. 
  • [28:37] A Bunco friend told her that she had turned a corner. Her anger had ebbed. Her friend recognized it without prompting.
  • [31:41] Things not to say include, "you will be so lonely" and "are you dating."
  • [38:03] Kelly is happy with where her life is and the choices that she has made after the divorce. She is healthy and rested now. She was running on life's treadmill. She had time to think about things and decided to use that time for good. 
  • [41:16] She's being true to who she is and who she wants to be. 
  • [44:23] She also created a decision tree about how she was going to deal with questions from her ex-husband. 
  • [48:44] Be interesting because of who you are. Kelly writes down new things that she wants to try. She has done extensive heart work. 
  • [51:16] Kelly shares her favorite hometown restaurant, friendship, and maybe some Julia Roberts. 

Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.

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