Jan 28, 2020
Melissa and David are here today
to answer listener questions. Melissa loves it when people ask
questions. We appreciate you trusting us with all of the things
we'll be talking about today and on future episodes. The last
couple of weeks have been dedicated to something that Melissa just
can't wrap her mind around. We've been talking about being still,
organizing, and decluttering our homes and our hearts, space, and
putting your phone away.
If someone would have told me
that in the year 1994 when David and I got married that someday
David would be checking his phone while we were having
conversations, and I would be checking my watch for incoming
messages, I would have laughed them out of house and home. Here we
are learning how to create space and balance in a way that we
didn't have to learn back then. We are navigating a whole new
Before we dive into the listener
questions, we just want to say thank you for trusting us with your
questions, even though we don't have all of the answers. We do love
each other very much, and we are in this marriage for the long
haul. We work really hard on our marriage, so we are going to try
and do the best we can with your questions. David also wanted to
share that just asking the question or talking about it or hearing
someone else talk it can help you feel less alone.
- [06:34] Someone from Vista,
California said she loves the show. Her and her husband will be
married 35 years. The only way she could keep balance when the kids
were young was to go away on weekends every three to four
- [09:00] Question from Sarah:
How to get a guilt free girls night? Her husband only does stuff
with her. He doesn't have any friends and doesn't go
- [10:27] Sarah has guilt going
out, because her husband just wants to be with her.
- [11:48] David suggests Sarah's
husband be supportive. One of the ways Melissa recharges is by
spending time by herself or by spending time with other
- [12:20] When Melissa and David
got married, David was jealous of her time. This has changed,
because David discovered that Melissa becomes better after having
time off with her friends or family.
- [14:29] It's a good idea to
have moments of conversation about how important it is and be nice
and treat other people well. Say thank you, and it wouldn't hurt to
help him find a hobby.
- [15:19] Selena is the adoptive
mother of a special-needs child. He is now an adult, and Selena is
struggling with drawing lines in the sand and kind of pushing him
out of the nest. At what point does she say you're ready and it's
time to go?
- [17:04] We are at a double
deficit when it comes to answering this question. We don't have a
special needs child, and we haven't come to the season where we
release our children out into the world.
- [18:00] Every situation with
every child is going to be different. Seeking counseling with
people who have expertise and can give true insight on your
specific situation would be a good idea.
- [18:33] It seems to Melissa
that you have dealt with this for so many years that you and your
husband are a little off-balance on how to be alone and how to make
time for one another.
- [21:45] Ellen asks how to
schedule sex in your life when you and your partner have opposite
- [22:12] Men can be more
flexible, try to find a time that works for Ellen. There's
something romantic and life giving when the other partner is
- [25:29] It can't be pushed away
for too long without having some effect.
- [27:29] Donna asks how to come
to an agreement when it's time to talk about a problem? This gives
her anxiety. If we don't communicate to begin with, how could we
communicate about a problem?
- [28:25] Not communicating at
all is a red flag. We are firm believers in marriage counseling.
When there are problems, husbands don't want to go. Invest in a
counselor now, before you are engulfed in flames. Dig your well
before you need the water.
- [29:52] Look into the
Enneagram. It's an internal GPS for who you both
- [31:57] Before having the tough
questions, tackle easier communication. The Enneagram can really
help you learn about yourself and your spouse. Schedule
- [34:47] Both people need to
honor and respect this. Hold up one hand like a stop sign (not talk
to the hand) when it's time to stop talking about things that are
- [36:06] Jaime believes that
there is a low in January. She is having a hard time with her
- [37:17] We go through seasons,
but then settle back into real life and the day-to-day. The biggest
thing is to be intentional with your actions, marriage, or
relationships. Write down what you want to see.
- [38:59] We have a soft spot in
our hearts for marriages and relationships. We feel your call
- [39:50] When you pull back the
layers, ask if you are going anywhere. We can try anything when we
know that we aren’t leaving.
Thanks for joining us on
Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to
subscribe to our podcast on
iTunes and leave a nice
review. Just like your mother taught you.
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