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Ordinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke

Jan 28, 2020

Melissa and David are here today to answer listener questions. Melissa loves it when people ask questions. We appreciate you trusting us with all of the things we'll be talking about today and on future episodes. The last couple of weeks have been dedicated to something that Melissa just can't wrap her mind around. We've been talking about being still, organizing, and decluttering our homes and our hearts, space, and putting your phone away. 

If someone would have told me that in the year 1994 when David and I got married that someday David would be checking his phone while we were having conversations, and I would be checking my watch for incoming messages, I would have laughed them out of house and home. Here we are learning how to create space and balance in a way that we didn't have to learn back then. We are navigating a whole new world.

Before we dive into the listener questions, we just want to say thank you for trusting us with your questions, even though we don't have all of the answers. We do love each other very much, and we are in this marriage for the long haul. We work really hard on our marriage, so we are going to try and do the best we can with your questions. David also wanted to share that just asking the question or talking about it or hearing someone else talk it can help you feel less alone.

Show Notes:

  • [06:34] Someone from Vista, California said she loves the show. Her and her husband will be married 35 years. The only way she could keep balance when the kids were young was to go away on weekends every three to four months.
  • [09:00] Question from Sarah: How to get a guilt free girls night? Her husband only does stuff with her. He doesn't have any friends and doesn't go out.
  • [10:27] Sarah has guilt going out, because her husband just wants to be with her.
  • [11:48] David suggests Sarah's husband be supportive. One of the ways Melissa recharges is by spending time by herself or by spending time with other people.
  • [12:20] When Melissa and David got married, David was jealous of her time. This has changed, because David discovered that Melissa becomes better after having time off with her friends or family. 
  • [14:29] It's a good idea to have moments of conversation about how important it is and be nice and treat other people well. Say thank you, and it wouldn't hurt to help him find a hobby. 
  • [15:19] Selena is the adoptive mother of a special-needs child. He is now an adult, and Selena is struggling with drawing lines in the sand and kind of pushing him out of the nest. At what point does she say you're ready and it's time to go?
  • [17:04] We are at a double deficit when it comes to answering this question. We don't have a special needs child, and we haven't come to the season where we release our children out into the world.
  • [18:00] Every situation with every child is going to be different. Seeking counseling with people who have expertise and can give true insight on your specific situation would be a good idea.
  • [18:33] It seems to Melissa that you have dealt with this for so many years that you and your husband are a little off-balance on how to be alone and how to make time for one another.
  • [21:45] Ellen asks how to schedule sex in your life when you and your partner have opposite schedules?
  • [22:12] Men can be more flexible, try to find a time that works for Ellen. There's something romantic and life giving when the other partner is intentional. 
  • [25:29] It can't be pushed away for too long without having some effect.
  • [27:29] Donna asks how to come to an agreement when it's time to talk about a problem? This gives her anxiety. If we don't communicate to begin with, how could we communicate about a problem?
  • [28:25] Not communicating at all is a red flag. We are firm believers in marriage counseling. When there are problems, husbands don't want to go. Invest in a counselor now, before you are engulfed in flames. Dig your well before you need the water. 
  • [29:52] Look into the Enneagram. It's an internal GPS for who you both are. 
  • [31:57] Before having the tough questions, tackle easier communication. The Enneagram can really help you learn about yourself and your spouse. Schedule communication. 
  • [34:47] Both people need to honor and respect this. Hold up one hand like a stop sign (not talk to the hand) when it's time to stop talking about things that are escalating. 
  • [36:06] Jaime believes that there is a low in January. She is having a hard time with her marriage. 
  • [37:17] We go through seasons, but then settle back into real life and the day-to-day. The biggest thing is to be intentional with your actions, marriage, or relationships. Write down what you want to see. 
  • [38:59] We have a soft spot in our hearts for marriages and relationships. We feel your call Jaime. 
  • [39:50] When you pull back the layers, ask if you are going anywhere. We can try anything when we know that we aren’t leaving.

Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.

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