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Ordinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke

Apr 9, 2019

One of the things I've heard a lot about last season was that you guys loved it when the Attorney General was on the show. This is an episode featuring David Radke during our MIND series. So of course, this show is titled LandMINDS In Marriage.  This is an appropriate topic because we get a lot of questions about our marriage. We have both been very open and vulnerable about our relationship.

Today, we are going to talk about some of the landmines in our own marriage. We are going to share five things that are sore topics or maybe things that we have learned in our marriage. It’s funny, because some of the conventional wisdom and advice doesn’t always apply. We have found five things that enable us to avoid a fight, diffuse a situation, or eventually get past whatever the problem was. We hope you enjoy this little glimpse into our marriage and our lives.

Show Notes

  • [02:13] The other night we were racing home to get our kids. We passed Kingwood, and David wanted to go to Culver's and I didn't. I suggested we go to two places. David won't do that. He thinks it's a waste of time.
  • [04:08] David is a man of purpose, that is why we call him the attorney general.
  • [06:27] 1. Your mother. We don't bring up our families in our fights. We don't want to bring in outside issues into our marriage or cause a fight. Our families are part of our lives, but they are not part of our marriage.
  • [07:27] It's taking a shot below the belt.
  • [08:25] We are imperfect parents raised by imperfect parents who were raised by imperfect parents.
  • [09:43] The grace we give is the grace we will receive.
  • [13:47] Focus on one good thing and give yourself time to mature. Find one good trait.
  • [14:40] 2. Keeping score. This is different than forgiveness.
  • [15:49] We have been married 25 years. We can forgive even when things aren't forgotten. Use caution and don't bring up those things. If there is true forgiveness. it's not fair to bring those things up.
  • [17:48] Stop keeping records of wrongs. Don't remind them of what they did and speak to who they are.
  • [19:22] 3. We go to bed angry and often wake up with a clear head.
  • [21:42] It's freeing to go to bed angry. We don't even sleep apart. Give yourself a break, don't go to the couch.
  • [22:31] We make poor decisions when exhausted and worn out physically and emotionally.
  • [26:03] 4. Button pushing. This was a big one for us. When you spend  a lot of time with someone, you know their buttons.
  • [27:46] Write down your hot buttons on a post-it note. It's disrespect to push these buttons intentionally.
  • [29:52] Over time, people change and the hot button issues change.
  • [31:42] When we aren't in the fight is the best time to talk it out.
  • [33:39] The hot button aspect is removed when things are talked about.
  • [34:03] 5. A hand gesture that would signify an immediate stop. No matter how tense things are. Everything stops! Enough of this topic now.
  • [35:56] This gesture has to be used sparingly and responsibly.
  • [36:43] We have used this when it comes to money, parenting, business, or when we were tired.
  • [37:21] It's a pause button.
  • [38:57] Treat the other person like you would want to be treated. Try to out serve and out love them and a time will come when it is returned.
  • [40:38] Became a safe place for your spouse to fall. Pillows not thorns.
  • [41:32] We took a canoe trip. We tipped over three times in a 30 degree river in Oklahoma. We were sitting in the wrong positions.
  • [43:13] It was a hilarious trip, but we love each other. We pick on each other, but we LOVE each other.
  • [44:28] The more time we spend with each other the better. We are wild about each other.
  • [45:27] The last three questions with David!
  • [47:25] If there is one thing I want you to know about this episode is that you can let go of all of the trite cliches and expectations.

Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.

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