Mar 5, 2019
When I'm with my friends we like
to talk about hair, fashion, or whether keto even really works. We
also talk about serious things. We rarely dive into the topic of
grief. This is weird because we all grieve. Within my set of
friends there is one whose marriage is ending, there is one who has
buried a child, there are three or four who have buried a
parent, had to file
bankruptcy, and a few have
checked a loved one into rehab.
Grief is this thing that we all
have in common, yet we don't talk about it. Why?
We don't talk about grief,
because grief is a party crasher. We touch on it briefly. We know
it's not going away. It's cracks will be with us forever. Grief
will always be a part of our lives, so we might as well learn a
little bit about it.
This is where my friend Stefanie
comes in. My guest today is Stefanie Boyce. Stefanie is a speaker,
writer, bible study teacher, wife, mother of 3 (two who are at home
and one with Jesus). She is currently journeying from Type A to
You can find Stefanie here:
- [04:21] When I met Stefanie,
she swept me off my feet. Our hearts connected.
- [05:31] Stefanie is going from
type A to plan B.
- [06:19] Stefanie realized that
God has a better plan for her.
- [06:52] She had to understand
that God wanted the best for her and his plan was better even
though there was pain.
- [07:38] In 2009, Stefanie's son
was diagnosed with mucopolysaccharidoses or MPS. They were
devastated to find out that their son's health would continue to
regress. She then found out that her 3-month old daughter also had
- [12:45] Her daughter had a
- [14:07] Stefanie watched her
newly diagnosed children laugh and play, and she decided that these
diseases were not going to get the better of them.
- [14:30] Stefanie realized in
that moment, her kids were still alive, and she was going to make
the most of it and trust in the lord.
- [14:53] Because these diseases
were genetic, there was a 25% chance any new children would have
- [15:39] They pursued every
angle to safely add a children to their family. They then
surrendered to God, and Stefanie got pregnant. Her newest daughter
didn't have it and isn't a carrier.
- [17:01] She realized she would
have to live in a world where she held typical and terminal
- [18:39] We can choose to focus
on the things in life that aren't broken.
- [19:12] Stefanie's son passed
away when he was 11 years old.
- [19:20] Her nine-year-old
daughter Brooklyn passed away eight months later.
- [19:33] They lost both children
within 8 months.
- [20:22] The blessing underneath
the pain was that Stefanie knew that her time was limited and made
the most of it.
- [22:19] If we don't learn how
to integrate the laughter with the sorrow, I don't know how we
would do it. You can't compartmentalize grief, it just becomes part
of your story.
- [23:35] Some of the most
difficult things that God brings us through are also some of the
most amazing gifts. We can now see things that we didn't see
- [25:59] I can either choose to
bring purpose to my pain and use it to help other people, or I can
just look at all of the darkness and how bad it sucks.
- [28:50] Gold plate grit. The
strong are the ones who watch the process of healing.
- [31:21] Every good story has a
middle ground, and that is why the redemption story at the end is
- [33:00] If we surrender and ask
God to show us, there is beauty to be found.
- [33:31] Surrender and ask God
to take control. Surrender and ask God give you the eyes to
- [37:02] You don't have to be on
the other side of your pain to start seeing beautiful
- [38:25] It's easy to feel sorry
for yourself, but it's about surrender and making something
- [39:36] A lot of it is about
making a choice.
- [40:44] Grief can be like a
wave you can feel it wash over you, but you will be better and
stronger on the other side of it.
- [42:20] No one can help the
grieving like those that are grieving.
- [43:41] War wounds and scars
are things that we have in common.
- [45:54] The most important
thing you can do to help people that are going through grief is to
let them speak about their loved ones and say their
- [46:07] We are so afraid to
bring up grief and pain, but by saying their names we honor the
life that they lived.
- [49:00] I will always associate
Stefanie as being joyful.
- [50:45] Stefanie answers the
three rapid fire questions.
Thanks for joining us on
Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to
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review. Just like your mother taught you.
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